Yesterday was my mother’s birthday. It was the first one since she passed away last Christmas. It has been so hard to live without her, she was an incredible mother and friend.
I decided to go to Sedona, we had been there a few times together and I just wanted to get away somewhere beautiful for the day.
I have been dealing so much with all the components of grief over the past year. Denial, fear, anger, intense sadness and loneliness – it is so hard to wait for the hurt to dull. And when it does start to dull, it hurts because you cant feel it so intensely.
I had some time to reflect, looking out over the beautiful red mountains, and think about what a wonderful person my mother was. How I miss her bright eyes, her smile and encouragement, her grace and beauty and intelligence, how she knew everything and could answer all my questions, I even miss just talking to her on the phone everyday – or knowing she was the one person I could call. She sacrificed for everyone, I wish I could have a few more days where I could do something for her. Let her know how much I loved and adored her.The older I get the more I realize how amazing she was.
It is so hard losing someone that you loved so much, but it is almost harder losing someone that cared so much about you.
Happy birthday mom, I love you.
